


We have fallen

by NessaTinuviel



Series: When we'll fall [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Memories, reunion maybe, throwbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-04 17:16:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15845784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessaTinuviel/pseuds/NessaTinuviel
Summary: Second part of 'When we'll fall'





	1. A Solitary Reign

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhwlFRjkTOg

He felt pain. Nothing else, but pain. Burning pain, that was making him losing his consciousness a few seconds after every awakening. 

The only thing that he knew was that he was still alive. He had no idea, what was going on around him, where he was or to whom those warm hands belonged. His whole existence was pain.

-Sleep.- he heard a husky voice with a weird accent mixed with even weirder scent of some herbs and he fell asleep.

***

His memories, or dreams perhaps, led him to the last events that had happened after parting away with James. 

That emotional pain that he felt while thinking about Winter was far much worse than any physical one that he has even went through. 

He remembered clearly that sorrow after walking out of Hydra’s headquarters without him. Brock also felt disgust. Disgust towards no one besides himself. Disgust for standing there like a loyal dog, standing there on Pierce’s leash, unable to do anything while the man he loved was being ripped off his memories. 

He almost ran to his car and started driving ahead without any particular place in mind. He just wanted to run away. Even thinking about seeing Pierce, Hydra’s scientists made him almost throw up. 

He finally stopped his car next to a random, abandoned house. He somehow knew that no one would bother him there.

He couldn’t be more wrong. Not even 5 minutes passed when another car parked right next to his.

-Jesus Fuck Brock!- he heard Rollins’ voice.- Get a fucking grip on yourself!! You’re making everything worst!

-Nothing can be worst Jack.- Rumlow was looking into space in front of him while being completely unable to see anything.- Do you understand? Nothing.

-Listen man…- Rollins tried to calm his friend a little.

-I fucking left him there, for fuck’s sake, I let them erase his memory. I did nothing, shit.- he squatted down and hid his face in his hands.- I was just watching. Like a damn coward.

-And what the hell do you think you could have possibly done there?- Jack’s voice was bitter, almost harsh.

-I don’t fucking know, kill Pierce and escape with James, maybe something like that. Anything, fuck, anything besides standing and watching.

-Yeah, and both of you would have been dead by now.- Jack patted Rumlow’s shoulder and sat down next to him.- You weren’t able to change anything. If you disagreed with Pierce both of you would be in trouble. Maybe they wouldn’t kill Winter, but you would be seriously fucked. And he has only you. Punching a wall won’t help at this moment, but there may be an opportunity in the future to help him, escape maybe. 

Rumlow knew that this was reasonable, but still, he felt like a complete garbage. 

-You know that I’m right.- Rollins made him to get up and stand straight.- So endure that for now on and be ready to strike.

Brock went back home and first think he did was hiding sd cards form their phones and camera in a secret place. Just in case…

***

He was awakened by his own scream. He felt his skin burning. He wasn’t even able to think much about what was going. This pain was lethal, even thought no one could die because of it. 

The only thing that he’s noticed was that scent form before. 

***

He felt something like that before. When the tower fell over him.

He was fighting with that winged bastard and his only motivation to move was rage. 

He would fight everything that was moving just to get back to Winter. He would burn whole world down just to be able to spend a few moments in peace with him. Was that too much to ask for?

It was, probably. 

When he saw fear in Falcon’s eyes he knew that something was off. He looked behind him and, what he saw, was a perfect picture of how his life actually looked right now.

Everything was collapsing, falling down, burning to the ashes.

If only he had died back then.

***

-Do you remember who you are?- he heard a cold voice.

Rumlow didn't give any answer. 

-Don’t pretend that you’re asleep or dead.- the voice was piercing through his head.

He also slowly started to feel pain. Both physical and emotional.

Rumlow slowly opened his eyes just to see familiar face of one of Hydra’s scientists.

Fuck, even now he wasn’t able to get away from those fuckers.

-Rumlow.- he mumbled seedily. 

-All right.- the woman relaxed a little bit.- You’re probably the only one left. Besides me, but I’m getting the fuck out of this madness.

-What do you mean?- he looked around and realised that he wasn’t in Hydra’s headquarters, but in a regular hospital. 

-Pierce is dead, Rollins is missing, Winter Soldier….- she gave him an understanding glance.- is nowhere to be found. Everything is possible.

-What happened to me?- he tried touching his face but all he felt was bandages covering it.

-You’re not as handsome as you were back then.- a little smirk appeared on her thin lips. 

Brock would think that she’s flirting with him if he hadn’t know that she, in fact, had a wife.

Brock has never thought about himself as a handsome creature so he could only guess how fucking terrible he looked right now.

-You said Pierce is dead?- his throat hurt. He wonder how many surgeries he had undergone.

-Yes, totally dead.- she sat on a small chair next to his bed and crossed her arms on her chest.- But I hope you do realise, that this doesn’t mean anything.

-Yea I do, Hydra’s shit will not be easy to flush after all those years.

-And you don’t know if it’s actually dead or if only a few arms are cut down.

-True.- Rumlow was feeling terrible. Dizzy, nauseous and fed up with everything.

-I’ll be going now, Rumlow.- she stood up and gently patted his shoulder, not to cause any pain.- It was a pleasure to have someone normal around in this shithole.

-Thanks.- Brock moved his mouth hoping that it was even a little bit resembling a smile.- You’re Alice, right?

-Yes, soldier. I’m gladly surprised that you remember.- she finally smiled showing white teeth.- If you will any help you know who to ask.

She disappeared behind the white curtains and Rumlow finally was able to fall asleep.

***

He finally woke up and didn’t faint right after that. Brock still felt pain, but it wasn’t that making one throw up. 

First thing that he noticed was the ridiculousness of the place he was in. He was in a tent, no, in a fucking hut, made of fucking wood. He was lying on a few, not the cleanest blankets and was dressed in some strange, African clothes.

He tried to lift himself up, but that was completely impossible. 

He looked around once again. This time his vision was less blurred. He saw herbs hanging from obscure walls. That was in fact strange, but it gave Rumlow hope that this time there was no Hydra’s people around.

Suddenly wooden doors creaked and a peculiar woman entered the hut. She was probably an aboriginal Afircan judging by her traditional clothing. 

-You’re finally awake.- their eyes met and that strange woman spoke to Rumlow in rather decent English with a strange accent.

Brock decided not to answer. He didn’t know this woman, he didn’t know where he was and what was the most important he didn’t know if he could trust her.

-Did you forget how to talk or are you that scared of an old woman.

Rumlow didn’t realise that the woman was in fact old. Maybe because of her exotic clothing Brock hadn’t notice deep wrinkles on her dark face and graying, curly hair. And those wise eyes which was almost telling him not to be scared or suspicious.

-Maybe both.- whizzed Rumlow noticing how dry his throat and mouth felt. 

-I’ll give you some water.- old woman rushed somewhere and appeared with a bottle of a fucking Evian. 

Rumlow was drinking literally like he just walked through a fucking desert.

-Enough for now.- the woman took away the bottle and started staring at Brock.

-Where I am?- asked Rumlow feeling slightly better after drinking almost whole bottle of water.

-Nigeria, about a day of walking from Lagos.

The whole situation was making some sense now for Rumlow.

-How did I get here?- he must have asked despite his suppositions.

-I’ve found you, half burned a few kilometres away and I’ve brought you here. 

-Why?- Brock was genuinely surprised. Not many people have helped him without expecting benefits and this woman for sure didn’t know who he was.

-I don’t know in what country do you live.- older woman gave him a judging look.- But here we don’t turn back on someone who needs help.

-Yeah, that’s not US.- thought Rumlow and closed his eyes for a second.

-Wait.- he suddenly realised something.- You’ve said that I was half burned?

-Yes.

-So how the hell I’m still alive? And do I look like a fucking monster right now?- Rumlow knew that the last question was kind of trivial, but he remembered the shook when he saw himself for the first time after the accident with the tower.

***

The next morning he woke up and two guys, all in black, standing next to his bed in the hospital. 

-Brock Rumlow.- said one of them.- Hydra needs you. 

Rumlow looked at that man. He had rather common face that would be really hard to spot in a crowd of people. That was the reason why he couldn’t recall of he actually knows that man or not.

-I couldn’t care less.- Brock hissed at them and turned away from them.

-I hope that you do realise that once you joined Hydra there’s no way out.- that must have been the other man which face was hidden under a black hood. 

Brock was pissed off, he would probably just kill those two fuckers if he wasn’t literally bounded to his bed by multiple drips etc.

-Oh, yeah.- he looked at them once again and uplifted himself a little bit.- And what do you want me to do in this state? Maybe scare the whole city with my face?

He saw the hooded man smirk a little bit. Brock might have lost his decent look, but his fucked up type of humour wasn’t going anywhere. 

-In a month we want you in Lagos.- the ordinary guy was stiff as a wooden board.- And not as a Hydra’s man. No one can know that we still exist.

This guy was insane. Hydra supposed to be over and yet, this fucking maniac wanted to keep the organisation alive. For what reason, when it was a fucking mistake from the very beginning?

-You’ll kill Captain America with explosives as a Crossbone in no way related to Hydra.- prated that man.

-And what if I say no?- Rumlow was seriously pissed.

Ordinary man nodded at the hooded man who handed him a photo.

-You know him, right?- he showed Brock photo of no one else that James.- You don’t need to answer. I know that you do.

-He’s missing.- Brock laughed hoarsely.- And we both won’t find him unless he decide to reveal himself. And I know that you do know about.

-You’re underestimating Hydra, Rumlow.- the hooded man finally spoked. Something in his sharp, deep voice convinced Brock that yes, he might have underestimated this pile of shit.

-In a month Rumlow.- said the ordinary guy when they were walking out of his room.- Or you’ll meet only his head.

When they finally disappeared Brock sat up with fury and got rid of all the needles and sensors monitoring him.

-Motherfuckers!!- he hissed.- I’ll fucking kill you all. I fucking promise!!

His eyes landed on a small wall mirror and the picture that he saw in it literally stopped him from even a little movement. 

He was only joking about scaring the whole city with his face, but looking at this… fucking nightmare was scaring himself. 

The more he was looking at his damaged face the more he was sure, that no matter what’ll happen next his life is basically over. 

He might as well find James, but he would be totally insane to think that Winter Soldier would even recognise him and even if he managed to do that there was no way that they will come back to how they were before.

Not with this face.

Not with the things that Brock’s done or maybe the things that he, in fact, hasn’t done.


	2. yeah right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG7wLK4aAOE

-Everything fucking stings!!- yelled Brock into the universe.

-I know, young man.- Adaego unflinchingly was preparing one of his strange, herbal mixtures.

-I’m not that young.- snorted Rumlow in a childish way. 

-Still definitely younger than me.- older woman wasn’t moved in any way.- Here. Drink this,- she handed Brock a suspiciously smelly green drink.

-How long have I been unconscious?- Brock asked while frowning, because of sourness of that drink.

-About 3 weeks.- older woman took off some very dark leaves off Rumlow’s body.

-And what have you done to me through these weeks?- Brock didn’t know much about Adaego, but he already learned, that she wasn’t doing any harm to him, but still, suspicion was in his genes.

-I took off your burned skin…

-What the fuck?!! How crazy are you?- he memorised that pain and frowned once again.

-You’ll be content with that when it all will be healed. And it’s healing perfectly.- older woman gently tapped his head.- You have been burned before, right?

-Yeah.- Brock tried to avoid her wise gaze.

-If only you were able to heal everything completely before being burned again there would be barely a scratch.

-But because I wasn’t healed I would look like a monster?- his voice was bitter, very bitter. 

-No, young man. You won’t. Some scars will be visible, but they won’t affect your appearance in a significant way. 

-I fucking hope so.- gabbled Brock.

-Just endure itching and everything will be all right.

***

-So do you know where he is?- asked Rumlow in a full, ridiculous gear driving in an even more ridiculous cargo in Nigeria.

-Probably dead.- said common guy who in fact was named Kane.

Brock shivered and then froze for a second. That was the sign that the storm was coming.

-You fucking said that you know where he is and after I kill Captain-Fucking-America you will let me go.- he hissed trying not to kill Kane with one punch.

-Do you think he would like to have anything in common with a monster like you?- his watery eyes were looking at Brock with pure irony.- You fucking faggot…

Rumlow was quick, strong and brutal. One punch was in fact enough to make Kane pass out, but he didn’t have a chance to punch him one more time. 

The hooded guy, named Ben, what a fucking ridiculous name, was also strong and, also, quick. In a second he pinned Crossbones down and unable him to make any movement.

-There’s no going back Rumlow. You’re going to do what you were assigned to even if you’re going to die.

Brock hadn’t spent much time with those two, but it was enough to discover that Kane was doing all of this for money. He was typical egoistic, greedy bastard who had a plan in his mind and will do everything to fulfil him, no matter how many dead bodies he’ll after himself.

Ben in contrary was insane. Hydra was a cult for him and that made him even more dangerous. While Kane knew when to stop, Ben didn’t have self-preservation instinct. He would do everything for this organisation, even if that will lead him to death. He was that type of man who Rumlow didn’t want to make angry, because he was irrational. Simply a psychopath. 

When his emotion slowly cooled down Brock realised that Kane was actually right. It wouldn’t be fucking fair if he will expect to James to follow him, a fucking monster with a burned both face and a half of his body. 

He knew all of that, but still, he felt anger and disappointment. 

Who would think that all of that will end this way. For sure not he and James two months ago, when they were happily cuddling in a bed.

-I’ll make sure that I’ll die.- smiled Rumlow.- And both of you will die as well.

His hand reached for Ben’s glock and not even a minute passed when he and his best fucking friend were dead.

-I told you that I’ll kill you.- he pointed his gun at Kane.- Motherfucker.

-What the hell is happening there?- he heard yelling from a drivers direction.

-Just drive where you have to.- Brock yelled.- Plans didn’t change.

Rumlow sat down, completely calm now, with a clear decision in his head.

He won’t mind dying if he take this motherfucker with him. Steve deserved this. He was in fact the person who made James lost it back then. Maybe they were friends a few decades ago, but it seemed like a fucking joke to Rumlow. Rogers seemed to forget completely about his best buddy while running after that stupid Sharon. And at the other side was James Barnes, who after frequent wiping of memory still remembered this motherfucker. 

-I don’t mind dying.- whispered Brock.- And you’ll die with me Captain Dinner Plate.

***

Plans are rather likely to get fucked up and this time was no exception. 

After saying some bitter words to Steve, that weren’t even true Rumlow tried to blow them both up.

"Your pal, your buddy, your Bucky. I was there; he got all weepy about it. Until we put his brain back in the blender. He wanted you to know something. He said to me, "please tell Rogers, when you gotta go, you gotta go", and you're coming with me!"

But of course someone needed to interfere this intimate moment and throw him and his fucking suicide vest away from Steve.

He felt burning, but he also felt his vest sliding off him in some mysterious matter and the a hard fall on the ground.

That was the moment when he realised that, in fact, he wasn’t dead, as he planned. At least not at this moment.

***

Few days passed and Brock was finally able to sit up and walk around the hut very carefully. 

He still wasn’t going out, since Adaego said, that he should rest a little bit more.

-There’s no need to fatigue yourself.- told him older woman, when he insisted on helping her with doing even a small things around the hut.- You’ll have plenty of occasions to help me soon, but thank you. 

-I don’t have many ideas how I can pay you for taking care of me.- sighed Brock while restraining himself from scratching his arm. He took into consideration what Adaego said about what impact it will have on his healing and tired not to touch himself from now on.

-Don’t worry, I’ll think about something.- woman winked in his direction.- And now I’ll change the leaves.

Adaego patiently unwrapped his arms and went for a new leaves which were stored near to the entrance.

Rumlow took the moment to examine his skin. He was pleasantly surprised when he saw, that it was, in fact healing rather well and not leaving much scaring.

-I see you’re impressed.- Adaego approached him and washed his arms with a cloth soaked in some liquid. 

-Of course I am. It looks much better than it did after I left hospital.

-The truth is, that no one is leaving hospital in a better state than they entered it.- she said bitterly. 

Then she moved to his face. Rumlow was dying to see how it looks.

-Do you have any mirror here?- ha asked Adaego.

-Definitely no, I wouldn’t like to die of a heart attack if I saw myself in the morning.

Brock smiled. The way their sense of humour was similar was shocking the man very often. But even if that joke was indeed funny, he had to deny it. Adaego might have been a lot older than him, but she was still in shape. Sure, she had wrinkles crossing her and greying hair, but it was making her only more noble looking.

Her response to his compliments was only a faint smile.

-You’ll see yourself when it will all be healed. Like a big reveal. It won’t be perfect, but at least pretty good.

-As you wish.- that actually made sense, so Brock decided not to argue.

-It will sting for a while.- suddenly she gave him a warning while rinsing his face with an other liquid. 

-Oh, holy fuck!!.- Brock had to bite his lips to not scream. For a second he hadn’t been able to see anything, but blackness, in front of him.

-It’s okay now, kid.- Adaego gently stroked his hair.- I had to disinfect it.

-I know.- hissed Rumlow.- I don’t blame you for anything. 

-I’ll try to do this as rarely as possible.

Brock sighed and looked at her dark, concerned eyes. He was lucky, that it was her, who found him back then.

-Thank you for everything.- he said quietly. Adaego only smiled.

Rumlow then realised one thing. That Adaego was like a mother to him. A mother he never had. Her gentle touch was giving him this strange, unfamiliar feeling of solace and relief. He knew that next to her he can finally be just a human who can feel pain or sadness without hiding that behind an image of a cold motherfucker. 

-You know what?- Rumlow said that without much thinking.- I don’t really know what does it mean to have a mother, but you must be a perfect example of one. 

Adaego stopped and looked at him. On her face, surprisingly, there were no joy there, just pain.

-Believe me, I am not a perfect mother, Brock.- she smiled as always leaving Rumlow with a strong feeling of guilt.

-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…- he started mumbling.

-You did nothing wrong.- she replied.- It’s just an unpleasant past.

-You can always talk to me if you feel like.

-Who would like to listen to old woman’s rattling anyways.

-I do- Brock stood up and laid his strong hand on woman’s skinny shoulder.- I know how it is to just keep everything in yourself. 

-So tell me your story first.

***

His mother…

It was hard to remember. The only thing he could recall was a tall figure with a cigarette in her mouth. He was always working, leaving him home alone. But despise the neighbourhood they were living in she actually had a decent job in a warehouse. She wasn’t alcoholic, drug addict or a whore. Maybe Rumlow didn’t remember her face, but he always, even after her death, felt respect for her.

They never really talked. She was always tired and going to sleep after work. She was sleeping on a couch in the living room leaving one small bedroom to her son. Their apartment was tiny. Living room, one bedroom, small kitchen without a proper stove and a toilet.  
The only time they used to spent together were on Sundays. They used to spend all day home, not going out, no church, just lazy day in home. During one of those Sundays she told him about his father.

-He was a piece of thrash, Brock.- she said while drinking coffee.- But that one which seems nice, but it is actually rotten inside. He’s rich, but left me as soon as he knew that I’m pregnant. But I’m not mad at you.- she patted his black hair.- That’s how life is.

Soon after that she became ill, but she had never asked anyone for help. She was working until her very last day. He was 8 when she passed away and taken to the orphanage. Few first years he spend becoming a delinquent. When he was 13 he knew one thing, his life had no meaning so he might as well lose it any dumb fight. Brock was like that until he heard about Navy SEALS. He didn’t need much time to becoming obsessed and changing everything. Rumlow thought that his life would be perfect when he started training until he was standing that one day in front of closing gate.

***

-You had a hard life.- Adaego was sitting thoughtful on a chair and looking into the distance. 

-It was not easy, but it was not the worst. Maybe I’m not in the place I wanted to be in the past, but I also could be dead by now. But now it’s your turn.

-First of all.- started Adaego.- You should know that being born a girl here is a curse. I’m not going to tell you about every little thing I had to endure as a kid, mutilations etc, because I don’t want to memorise all of this. But as soon as I became a woman, at age 14, I was forced to marry 50 years old man, he raped me every night. 

She was calm when she was telling her story, almost indifferent, but Brock knew how many emotions were inside her. 

-After a few months I was pregnant. That was the most awful feeling I ever felt. I was still a kid, so having something inside me was a thing I didn’t understand. Even if it was now, I still wouldn’t be ready. I hated this thing inside me. The labour almost killed me, but also gave me an opportunity to escape, since I was left alone while that man was celebrating having another child. You’ll probably judge me for that, but I escaped alone. If I gave birth to a girl I would never left her there, but since it was a boy I had no regrets. I escaped, still injured, without anything besides the things I had on that night. I don’t remember everything, but some woman found me half dead on the streets of Lagos and decided to help me. Maybe she had similar history, I don’t know, but I owe her everything I have now.

She smiled faintly

-And you might think, looking at this hut, that I have nothing. But she helped me get to Paris. Me, a small kid, not knowing a word in English or French. She taught me basics of everything and since she had no kids she left me all her money and properties. I studied in Sorbona, I travelled over a half of the world, but I knew I have to come back there, to help all of those poor girls which were in he same position I was years ago. And here I am. I left Paris, comfortable car and house to spread awareness where it is needed the most. That’s my story.

After she ended Rumlow needed a few minutes to mull over all of those information.

-You are amazing Adaego.- he said quietly and held her old hand.- Not only you were incredibly brave and ambitious, but you also came back here. After all of this, just to help others. You’re amazing because you’re doing this for others.

-And you’re not doing all of this for someone?

This caught him off guard.

-What do you mean?

-When you were recovering you used to tell someone name in your sleep.- she answered.

-Really?- he started to shiver.

-Yes, James was the most repeated one, but there was the other one as well. Gianni.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gianni, because of Gianni Versace ;.;  
> After watching The Purge i have a massive crush on Frank Grillo (no hetero) wtf  
> if you want more shitty jokes about CA check out vine god Patrick William Charlton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qco0lGcWRrc (i;m not sponsored ;.;)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. see ya later


End file.
